Political Animals

Yes, Bud. I am going to run for President. Without you.

Want to watch Political Animals on USA? Don’t bother. Unless you were a Hillary loyalist in the 2008 Democratic primary and somehow aren’t over it — yes, all 100 of you — it’s not worth your time.

If you do love horrible political shows, I do recommend you record it.

Political Animals is like a B-list version of The West Wing except that it is geared towards an even smaller audience: people who were so pissed that Hillary lost they couldn’t get over it.

While The West Wing was meant for all Democrats who were sad that the insufferable Al Gore lost in 2000, Political Animals is like what would happen if Gavin Newsome beat Hillary in the primary instead of Barack Obama. I guess they wanted to avoid the criticism, but there is no doubt — this show is written by Clinton sycophants.

Elaine Barrish (Sigourney Weaver) is portrayed as Hillary Clinton beyond a shadow of a doubt. They even replicated the campaign logo. And guess what? Now she is Secretary of State. Total coincidence, I am sure.

Now divorced, her former husband/President, played by Ciarán Hinds is Bud Hammond. Southern and promiscuous, he opens open the second episode with a denial that he slept with a homely advance person — basically, Monica Lewinsky. Sarah Latham, though, sounds much more vanilla.

Now the show isn’t total Clinton. Instead of just one daughter, the Hammonds have two sons — one successful, Douglas “Dougy” — and Thomas “TJ” who is a depressed gay man with suicidal tendencies and a drug addiction. I guess that makes for a better story.

Episode 2 opens with a very Clintonian flashback, where Hammond at first denies the affair with the supposedly “homely” staffer but later recants and tells Elaine the allegations are true than that she should leave him. She doesn’t. Later in the episode, the divorced Elaine has sex with him.

Interestingly, the Huffington Post did a TV advertisement during the show, encouraging people to pick their top five political animals. HuffPo knows its audience.

The show is full of sex. A ton of it, from Douglas and his Asian fiancee, who is subject to the whims of government for their engagement party, to TJ, who sleeps around with guys who have him on his gay “buckit list” and also want him to lend his name and money to a presumably doomed night club in DC. My guess is he will probably die at some point during the show. A reporter also has sex on Air Force one with another reporter. It’s unnecessary.

TJ steals money from his grandma, who later catches him, only to find out that the club folks don’t want any bad publicity. Fresh off a suicide attempt well covered by the media, TJ’s brother Douglas lends him the money after he admits to stealing a blank check from nana.

The crux of E2 is that some US journalists are captured in Iran, and Elaine sends the former President to set them free. On the flight is a journalist who was critical of the Hammond presidency and is now doing a feature on Elaine. Like any good journalist, she hates Bud but loves Elaine.

As they depart for the trip, the Iranians renege, leaving the U.S. — and Elaine’s boss, who bested her in the primary — dangling in the wind. Bud suggests working with the Turks.

Of course, the Turkish ambassador the U.S. is unavailable. Douglas, who apparently works for his mom, confirms he is at a hamam — filmed at an obvious government building in DC, which is poor screenplay. Elaine makes Douglas tell the Turks she’ll be there in 15 minutes, which spurs the most unrealistic dialogue I have ever heard.

Douglas: Mom, do you know what a hamam is? It’s a Turkish bath.

Elaine: You could have said something.

Douglas: You speak fourteen languages, I thought you knew what it meant.

Are you kidding me? I don’t think we have had any head of state or diplomat in the history of the world that spoke 14 languages, but apparently in the writer’s Hillary Clinton wet dream, Elaine does. Give me a break.

She gets to the hamam, which I’d imagine is culturally insulting, but no worry, Turkey’s ambassador has the hots for Elaine. They get their meeting in Turkey.

Episode two closes with Douglas telling the reporter (Susan Berg) that his mom is running again in the next cycle, challenging the incumbent Democrat. He wants the reporter to stop her bid. Hillary Clinton running again, every Democrat’s dream, right?

This show is painful to watch, at least it is funny, in an unintentional way.

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  1. Pingback: Political Animals #2 | JimSwift.net

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