Category Archives: Browns

This is the Browns’ Year

They said we couldn’t do it, but we proved the haters wrong. The Browns are, against all odds, 2 and 0 at losing their starting quarterback.

RG3 masterfully lived up to expectations and went down in game one. Nobody was sure if McCown was up for the challenge, and he fought hard to the last minute to prove that he, too, could go out.

Now, it’s Cody Kessler’s turn. We’re counting on you, Cody!

Go Browns!

cleveland

What About the Browns?

The Browns snapped a seven game losing streak, yay! Johnny Manziel didn’t play terribly*, yay! Brian Hartline is injured for the rest of the season, boo!

(*I have stopped watching the Browns, so it could have been all dumb fucking luck for all I know.)

The narrative now, at least what I’ve seen on social media, is that Johnny is going to make an argument (on the field) for why we shouldn’t draft yet another quarterback.

There are a few games left in this dumpster fire of a season.

My prediction?

Johnny does reasonably well. The Browns don’t draft another QB. Another dumpster fire season, with Manziel playing a big role. We have 3 different starting QBs next season. Jimmy Haslam sells the team or floats selling it.

Now I am not saying we need to use our very high draft pick on a QB. When has that worked out for us? All that I’m saying is Manziel likely doesn’t have it, and next year’s season will be as bad or perhaps slightly better than this one.

I probably won’t watch.

This Guy Isn’t Homeless, He’s Running for Governor

I came across this video of California gubernatorial candidate Neel Kashkari living in Fresno, California on the streets for a week, trying to find work. I’ll admit I was skeptical that the 10-minute video would be compelling campaign advertising. I was wrong.

Kashkari has come from pretty much nowhere in the polls to be the Republican nominee in the California governor’s race. Just like he sort of came from nowhere to be Assistant Secretary of the Treasury under Presidents Bush and Obama, specifically charged with overseeing the Troubled Asset Relief Program, or TARP. Not a popular job. Of course, to the far left he is a boogeyman because he worked at Goldman Sachs. To the far right, he’s a boogeyman because he helped administer, well, bailouts.

Elijah Cummings, an embattled Democratic congressman from Baltimore, asked at an oversight hearing whether or not he was a “chump:”

“Mr. Kashkari, in the neighborhood I grew up in, in the inner city of Baltimore, one of the things that you tried to do was make sure that you were not considered a chump … What really bothers me is all these other people who are lined up. They say, well, is Kashkari a chump?”

Kashkari apparently did not take that flogging very well.

Kashkari heads to a Home Depot to find work.

Kashkari heads to a Home Depot to find work.

Kashkari’s background, which I had not researched, surprised me a bit.

He’s from Akron, Ohio. He’s a Cleveland Browns fan with, according to the Plain Dealer, dogs named “Winslow and Newsome.” He went to Western Reserve Academy — a nice private school, but didn’t go to a top-tier college. He attended the University of Illinois at Urbana–Champaign to study engineering. (He got an undergrad degree and a master’s.)

It was only after he attended Wharton for his MBA that he went into finance, and followed Hank Paulson to the Treasury department.

Former Rolling Stone writer Matt Taibbi wrote a column about him with the headline: Bailout Architect Runs For California Governor; World Laughs. He joked “It seems Jerry Brown has become his own personal Dolph Lundgren.”

In the piece, he noted that Kashkari isolated himself in the woods after the flogging from Cummings, et. al., where he built a shed, chopped wood to lose weight, and helped with Hank Paulson’s book.

Taibbi concluded: “Anyway, having this guy run for public office is like a gift from the blogging gods. How funny will this get? Will this one go to 11? I’m taking the over.”

One nice campaign video does not a winning campaign make. (Kashkari has a few nice videos…) Then again, most politicians prefer to post pictures on Twitter showing “look, I’m eating Ramen Noodles in my well appointed Washington house” rather than go and live on the streets for a week.

I don’t know if a 10 minute YouTube video on poverty will convince Democrats dissatisfied with Gov. Brown to consider Kashkari as a recipient of their vote, but one thing’s for sure — Kashkari’s trip into the woods may be funny joke fodder for Matt Taibbi, but Neel Kashkari isn’t going to be anybody’s chump this go-around.

Watch the video here:

Update: Kashkari’s campaign is hurting for cash, nearly broke.

Johnny Manziel’s Trademarks

Here is a list of trademarks filed by once-suspended and new Browns player Johnny “Football” Manziel:

JOHNNY FOOTBALL, JMAN2, JMAN, MANZIIEL, JIIM, JFF, THE HOUSE THAT JOHNNY BUILT

If you were wondering whether “The House That Johnny Built” was part of an obligatory NFL-star charity that builds houses for people, think again. It’s for:

Athletic apparel, namely, shirts, pants, jackets, footwear, hats and caps, athletic uniforms; Athletic footwear; Athletic pants; Athletic shirts; Athletic shoes; Athletic shorts; Athletic skirts; Athletic tights; Athletic uniforms; Clothing for athletic use, namely, padded elbow compression sleeves being part of an athletic garment; Clothing for athletic use, namely, padded pants; Clothing for athletic use, namely, padded shirts; Clothing for athletic use, namely, padded shorts; Clothing, namely, athletic sleeves; Footwear for track and field athletics; Gloves for apparel; Short-sleeved or long-sleeved t-shirts; T-shirts; T-shirts for men, women and children; Women’s athletic tops with built-in bras

Can’t forget those built-in bras!

Take a look at the trademark for “Johnny Football” and you’ll see it’s pretty clear you’ll hear radio ads for motivational speaking engagements in the near future:

Educational and entertainment services, namely, providing motivational and educational speakers; Educational and entertainment services, namely, providing motivational and educational speakers in the field of self- and personal improvement; Entertainment and educational services in the nature of competitions in the field of entertainment, education, culture, sports, and other non-business and non-commercial fields; Entertainment in the nature of football games; Entertainment services, namely, participation in football games; Entertainment services, namely, personal appearances by a sports celebrity.

At least he’s preparing for a future as a QB chewed up and spit out by Cleveland.

How I feel about the “real refs” coming back

This is how I feel:

I’m from Cleveland, so I don’t like the real refs one bit. They suck.

Example 1:

Example 2:

Can someone explain this to me?

I didn’t see the context, can somebody explain this to me?

h/t Frank Alvarez

Weeden? Step Right Up

Many have tried before you, sonny.

H/T/ to Sean Brakey for the photo.

Bernie Kosar Endorses Josh Mandel

Goodbye Peyton Hillis

Today, Peyton Hillis signed with the Kansas City Chiefs. For a guy who brought attention back to the Cleveland Browns, was the first Brown on the cover of Madden, and was a great player to watch — I say good luck.

Romeo Crennel is a great coach, and Peyton left us in a non-Jamesesque way: meaning he wasn’t a douchebag about it. But the Browns not pursuing Hillis was the right decision.

Why? A couple reasons:

One is that he went from a rising star to somebody who is very dramatic and sometimes just plain erratic. Peyton Hillis became the Browns’ version of Michele Bachmann. She had headaches that prevented her from campaigning, Hillis couldn’t play because he had strep. It was speculated that Bachmann was pushing the rumor that she would be on American Idol. Similarly, it was speculated that Hillis was pushing a story that he was going to retire and join the CIA. Neither case was proven, but both stories are bizarre and not unrealistic. Many Browns fans think he became a drama queen after the Madden cover, and more trouble than he was worth.

Second, Peyton Hillis had one amazing year. That’s it. Take a look at the stats (below) and decide for yourself. One data point cannot make for a good prediction, but if you take into account other years, particularly 2011, there’s not much evidence to go on that Hillis would continue to do as well as he did in 2010. Though, it’s certainly possible.

So, yeah, while I was disappointed in him last year, I am glad that the Browns decided to let Hillis leave. I don’t dislike him personally, but the more I learned, the more I was convinced he wasn’t a long-term solution for Cleveland.

I think letting Hillis go, not taking the silly deal for RG3 and keeping Dawson show some improvement in the Browns’ decision making apparatus. Improvements are coming. Unless, of course, the fans call for blood and all of the decision makers get fired. If Browns fans called for change in their local/county government the way they do in Berea, Cleveland might not be such a dismal place.

 

So, I’m writing a book about the Browns

Friends,
I have embarked on a between-job project of writing a book examining why the Browns left Cleveland. As a fifth grader at the time, I’ve lived the past 15+ years misunderstanding the whole ordeal. The truth is tough for Clevelanders to accept: we played a considerable role. Don’t worry, I am still looking for a full time gig in Washington, but this is a good focus for me during the day.
I’ll let you know when it becomes ready to be published in the Amazon.com Kindle store. Stay tuned to this page for more updates!